The New American Bible
Do we need a new canon to support a new empire?
In the years after Jesus’ crucifixion, men and women in the Ancient Near East (ANE) agreed on the modern Biblical canon. Later, church leaders point to the Council of Nicaea (modern day Turkey) in 325 AD as the date the Bible was written. But, their endorsement was just an administrative centralization of distributed decisions that had already occurred.
The following is a thought exercise; what if a new biblical canon were necessary to support the needs of a new empire? What books would you choose?
In this exercise, we don’t need to limit our choices to overtly religious texts. What about poetry (Ecclesiastes)? What about history (Kings or Chronicles)? What about health and diet advice (Leviticus)?
The point is; we’ve spilled a lot of ink in the last 3,000 years; surely something has been written that could help a modern world that is spiritually adrift? In an age of political fragmentation, would an update to the Bible help us or hurt us?
I already anticipate the pushback from my orthodox friends. But, this update is needed to address inconsistencies related to slavery, misogyny, genocide and other human rights violations found throughout the Bible.
America is at a crossroads; Trump faces a choice similar to the choice faced by Emperor Constantine at the Battle of the Milvian Bridge in 312 AD. The Emperor dreamed of (or, some sources claim his troops actually saw) a glowing cross in the sky with the words, “In this sign you will conquer.”
Following the battle, Constantine unified the Roman Empire by declaring Christianity as the state religion. The Eastern portion of the Empire continued for another one thousand years under this unifying hegemony.
Would a unifying religion help America (and, the world)?
There is precedent for this moment in current events: the 2024 election was a clear victory and many say it was a sign from God that Trump survived the assassin’s bullet in Butler, Pa.
Instead of hundreds of religious cults that faced Emperor Constantine, America has two religious impulse that a new canon would need to incorporate:
A new Woke religion (Wokeism?) promotes an ethic of multiculturalism, empathy and open borders. Could elements of Wokeism be incorporated into a new religion? Peter Boghossian and Richard Dawkins carefully propose the ‘Substitution Hypothesis’ to suggest humans have a need to believe; a need that is fulfilled in the case of Wokeism by the belief that human sexuality is not binary and that men can become women and women can become men. Christians have long believed in transubstantiation; the belief that the bread and the wine are the body and the blood of Jesus.
Conservative voices call for liberty which supports their existing property rights. Conservatives call for a return to the old religions. But, the written canon of the old religions contains the historical baggage already mentioned as well as complicity in colonialism and state oppression.
The New Council
This thought experiment will call for a new council to review and recommend the writings that will support an orthodoxy of empire.
Important caveat: The victors don’t write history; writers write history.
Philosophers, statesmen, professors, priests, politicians and academics will be called together for a three month ecumenical council.
As a member of this Council, your job will be to agree on a common religious canon that supports a unifying state religion that will guarantee peace and stability for the next one thousand years.
Your job will be to recommend, argue for and agree upon this canon to be called the New American Bible.
Which literature, books and writings do you recommend from the past 3,000 years to be included in the New American Bible?
I’ll go first:
Genesis, Exodus and Isaiah. Too many foundational truths to fully discard. If the new religion is based on Christianity, then we need some of the Old Testament. I’m leaving out Ecclesiastes, Proverbs and Psalms even though there’s some time-honored wisdom in these books. They were written in Ancient Near Eastern (ANE) agrarian societies and could stand to be updated. I’m also leaving out all of Kings and all of Chronicles; these are just Game of Thrones in the ANE.
Plato‘s Republic, Callicles’ Great Speech in the Gorgias - Callicles takes the realpolitik position that the strong should dominate the weak and that it is unfair for the weak to unite numerically and pass laws to protect their rights.
The Melian Dialogue of Thucydides. Again, realpolitik, from the standpoint of armies. This is undoubtedly a true story. If these last two get voted down, I won’t fight back because obviously the original Council of Nicaea in 325 A.D. had the opportunity to include them and didn’t.
The Gospels and James (basically, we’re just gonna get rid of the writings of the Apostle Paul, especially the misogynistic 1st Timothy; which probably wasn’t written by Paul, anyways) Revelations is just a mad fever dream; some sort of Roman graphic novel that would’ve made sense in the first century, but has little relevance to the 21st century.
Milton‘s Paradise Lost - You suck. Left to your own devices, you would probably spend all day satisfying your carnal desires without regard for anyone else. Fortunately, there is a proven pathway you can follow to become a better person, if you choose to do so.
The United States’ Constitution - the Old Testament had Moses’ 10 Commandments; why can’t we include The Constitution? “In order to create a more perfect union…” - what better framework to create and continue the Empire of Liberty?
Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra - God is dead and we must reinvent Him. Nietzsche was the first or maybe just the most articulate writer to recognize this challenge. Nietzsche says we have killed God (like the Romans killed Jesus) in order to create a Christian story resurrected for the modern age. Nietzsche didn’t believe in God? Well, neither did Jonah. David was disobedient. Eve was disobedient. Paul persecuted the Jews. Let’s get past the fact that you don’t have to be a believer to be used by God.
Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl - This is the Book of Job rewritten for the modern age. And, it’s a whole heck of a lot easier to understand than Job.
The Diary of Anne Frank - Fascism is bad; we all get that. Here’s why: fascism inverts the Christian narrative, where the strong have a societal duty to protect the weak. Nazis preyed on the weak and the most vulnerable members of society.
Night by Eliezer Wiesel - bad people do bad things because good people do nothing.
The Myth of Sisyphus by Camus - the universe has a purpose because you exist. It’s your job to discover that purpose and work towards it.
A Canticle for Leibowitz by Walter Miller - you never know where you could meet Jesus. What if He came back today, knocked on your door and asked you to follow Him? Would you recognize him? Would you follow Him?
Discipline and Punish: The Birth of the Prison by Michel Foucault
A State is a leviathan powered by a bureaucracy. The Roman State killed Jesus. The modern State killed God. What role will the modern state play in this new religion?
The modern bureaucratic state has, in the last 200 years, subsumed all of the power once held by the priesthood and the nobility.
In 1800, 50% of the GDP of Western European states was spent on their militaries. In 2025, 20% of the GDP of most modern, industrialized countries is spent just on the healthcare bureaucracy (many of these bureaucracies are filled by ‘bullshit jobs’ mandated by corporate compliance policies) while most countries spend barely 3% on their militaries.
Knowledge is not power. Knowledge in a bureaucracy is power.
The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins - Surprised to see the 21st century's most prominent atheist’s book on this list? Don’t tell Dr. Dawkins I said this, but there’s a fair chance that he will be forgotten for his atheism as well as for his biology not long after he leaves this planet. He will, however, be remembered for his concept of the ‘meme’ - the unit of cultural transmission that has allowed human ideas to propagate across the centuries and has done more to advance civilization than anything else in history.
Dénouement
This canon will unify all Americans of the Empire; North, South and Central (and Greenland!)
To ensure that all ideas, and all memes, are properly represented, this Administration is inviting you to the ecumenical council, at a date and location to be determined, for your recommendations to be included.
Please go ahead and list your recommendations on Mullet Snyder‘s Substack so that you will be guaranteed to receive your invitation.
Some days it hits harder than others.
Not the content—but the comments.
The way satire sharpens into scripture.
The way empire fantasizes about canonizing itself in real time.
I write for a different memory.
One that was often whispered.
Braided into hair. Coded in lullabies.
And yes—murdered when spoken aloud.
Things have never been tried our way.
Because our way was never allowed to live long enough to take root.
So no, I don’t write to argue with empire.
I write to remember. To re-code.
And to remind anyone listening:
There are other ways.
Older ways.
Buried beneath the rubble of every “New American Bible.”
The real truth as I know it!
The Globalists killed The God, again, and have made themselves gods. Let's purge the Globalists, the Zionists CBC, MSNBC and all inclusive parts of Disney and start following the US constitution after we have incorporated Canada, Panama (and Greenland).